The Top 10 Most Inappropriately Misappropriated Lyrics For Monitoring

Posted by Baron Schwartz on Aug 5, 2015 11:29:00 AM

As I flipped the channels in my car, Josh Groban’s soulful voice floated over my speakers and caressed my very soul, singing about our shared timeless yearning to solve the monitoring problems that plague us all:

I can’t cage you in my arms
When my heart is jumping forward
To avoid your false alarms

“These lyrics are so deeply meaningful to me!” I thought, reaching for the box of Kleenex. SING IT, Josh! And he did, his soaring voice speaking of anomaly detection algorithms (I understand the following lyrics to be addressed to a system metric such as CPU, don’t you agree?).

And you can’t tell me not to stay
When I opened up your window
And I watched you fly away

Now there’s a song I can relate to! If you need to stop reading and go listen to Josh sing his sensible, logical lyrics that always clearly mean something, we’ll be here when you return.


But seriously, in the spirit of a little #monitoringfun, how about some lyrics that address the topics that are really near and dear to our hearts? Here are our top 10 picks for misappropriated (and sometimes redacted) lyrics that aren’t really about monitoring.

10: Pager Duty: We Own It (Mike Posner)

If I had my on-call time back, I wouldn’t change a thing, either. Yo, yo, what what?

I’m growing up I gotta buzz call it motivation
Blowing up like iPhone push notifications
Priceless if I had it back I wouldn’t change a thing
It’s far from over so I tell the fat lady sing

9: Nagios: System Check (Roni Size)

Make sure you set those thresholds right!

System Check, Make sure everything is operational
You can’t hold down what can’t be held down
New formulas forcing you to move around
Pushing to the center of your mind, we’ll make connection
Start off from the top then work it to your mid section
We use ready formulas and many tactics
First we’re doing somersaults, then we’re busting back flips

7: Blameless Postmortems: Where Did We Go Wrong (Toni Braxton/Babyface)

With much love to @mindweather.

Where did we go wrong?
Is it all my fault?
Where did we go wrong?
Is it all my fault?

6: Desperately Mitigating: I Will Fix You (Coldplay)

Ah, the feeling of staying up all night and all day for two days in a row, trying to get things back online.

When you try your best, but you don’t succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can’t sleep
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
I will try to fix you

(and another blameless postmortem reference?)

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face and I
… And I will try to fix you

5: Resilience in Complex Adaptive Systems: Discovery Channel (Thebloodhoundgang)

A single line is enough for this one… but you might wanna watch and learn.

You want it rough, you’re out of bounds

4: Uh-Oh, We Crashed: Downtime, Jo Dee Messina

We tell ourselves this, too.

I tell myself that everything will be just fine
I’m just going through a little downtime

3: How We Got Here: Speed The Collapse, Metric

Besides being impossible to stop listening to, Metric is obviously a mandatory band for any post on monitoring lyrics. Because, well, Metrics, you get it.

Every warning we ignored
Drifting in from distant shores

2: MonitoringLove To The Rescue: I.G.Y. (Steely Dan)

For some people, this actually rings true; for others it’s more complicated but anyway we have to end on a high note, and we have to mention Graphite at some point, no?

You’ve got to admit it
At this point in time that it’s clear
The future looks bright
On that train all graphite

And one more random Graphite reference for good measure, this time from someone named Juventa:

We are, all that remains,
Of a world in chaos broken by change,
We are light in the dark,
Calling out for something to spark..

And we’ll hide in the graphite,
Deep inside the earth,
And wait for the fires to start,
In your eyes…

To Sum Up

And there you have it, the top ten songs that aren’t about monitoring. (Yes, Josh Groban is #1, and he’ll always be #1. You got that right.)

Please, I beg of you, don’t leave any more in the comments! Unless you absolutely must, in which case, do. And speaking of music, check out our post on music streaming and databases.

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